Post by Dead on Apr 13, 2007 18:16:49 GMT -6
I realize that I haven't been here (or online) in seemingly forever. Know that I haven't been sitting around locked in a closet or some other similar place of darkness doing nothing. I have been working on my new comic, playing Wii, and of course watching Tons of movies.
You don't believe me? HOW DARE YOU! Here goes Super Review fest!!!
Andy's Crazy Review Smile Joe Mighty Million Dolla Review Fest.
So It's been a long time since I tapped into the review part of me, and as I write this Im watching the 5th in a series of 8 Horror films. The After Dark Horrorfest to be exact. Right now Im attempting to watch Reincarnation, which is the only J-horror flick of the bunch, thus making it nice and challenging to try and read subtitles and write simueltaneously.
Reguardless of what Im doing at the moment, let us get on with the reviews....
The After Dark Horrorfest:
So if you're like me, you only heard about this after it was through, but apparentally, Lion's Gate (the company that brought us great horror films like Saw, and...uh..Saw 2. and some others.) Got together with another company (maybe even co-founded this company) called After Dark Productions, and on Halloween they had this horror movie festival. Apparentally 8 movies were shown, and one of them, (I take it there was some sort of contest to decide this.) went on to get licensed and get major backing by Lions Gate (that movie was the Abandoned, and it like its 7 Bretheren never came anywhere near me.) Anyway what's the big deal you say? Well aside from one hell of a marketing gimmick, all of these films were supposedly so disturbing in some shape or fashion that they couldn't be released normally. So upon hearing this I took it upon myself to try and figure out what it is about each film that keeps it from being shown to the general public....
It's kinda hard to seperate all of these films from one another even though they are all different, the reason for that is that they are all advertised together, and apparentally, somewhere far from where I am, they were all shown together in a theater. So, sadly they weren't released as a box set when they finally showed up on DVD a few weeks ago, so I've had to track each one down and watch them. So here are the reviews for each in the order that I saw them in...
The Hamiltons:
Story: A family of siblings left alone after the death of their parents, constantly have to move and are trying to fit even though they have some pretty unusual problems to deal with, mainly because they are all a little bit crazy and oh yeah, they kill people. Of course it's not all as simple as that, each family memeber has thier own way of doing things, The eldest brother keeps them together, the 2nd youngest has a knack for documenting everything with his video camera and naturally doesn't understand why he is where he is and why his family is the way they are, and the twins (A brother and a sister) are just insane.
Good: Intriguing story, you never know what the crazy family's secret is until the end, and as stupid as it is, it actually helps evertything make sense.
Bad: The acting in this was pretty bad. It wasn't Mr. Jingles bad or Gormet Zombie Chef awful, but It was pretty obvious that everyone in this film wasn't a major actor.
What was too Disturbing for Theateres: Almost definately this was all about the incest between the Twins. The gore wasn't too bad, and the story wasn't really anything new. The oddball relations with the Twins and one of thier victims almost has to be the thing that kept this from being a regular horror film (that and the acting was awful)
What The!?: The secret at the end, and Lenny. I wont say more. (oh and the incest.. eew.)
Over all the Hamiltons wasn't a bad film. It was the first I saw, and I was intrigued enough by it to want to see at least one more of the Horrorfest films which is more than I can say for the Masters of Horror series. 3 out of 5. On to the next!
Unrest
Story: The movie opens with a crazy woman staring at you then slicing up her face... The whole movie you kinda wonder about that, and eventually it is explained thanks to a group of medschool students who unknowingly get that same woman's posessed corpse as their Gross Anatomy cadaver. Much gory fun ensues as they solve the mystery of the crazy woman. Zoinks Scoob!
Good: Niiiiiice gore! By far the best gore of any of the films in the series (although I've still yet to see Grave Dancers, Dark Ride and the Abandoned.) The story was a bit hokey, but this movie was pretty neat in that it defied a lot of the traditional horror genre rules. The main characters have sex and dont die.
Bad: A bit of a hokey story.. otherwise good!
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Has to be the gore. Supposedly they used real cadavers in this as well, which of course is an immediate ban from most theatres.
What The!?: How does a man live after being hacked to bits by a spirit (as well as seeing may others get the same fate) much less keep his teaching job at the same place where it all happened?
So far, Unrest was the best movie in the series. Most likely it will be the one I buy first. So, if you're wanting to see just one of these movies, this would be my reccomendation. 4 out of 5
Penny Dreadful
What do you get when you take someone who is deathly afraid of cars, and stick them in one for an hour and a half.. Why you get this movie! Seriously...
Story: Penny is terrified of cars due to the fact that when she was a kid she was in an accident and saw her mother die horribly. Now later in life she wants to confront that fear and takes a long car ride with her therapist to fix it. So on the way to wherever they're going, they accidentally clip a hitchhiker, feeling bad the therapist offers to give him a ride.. It is then that they both find out how wonderfully creepy he is. They take him to his destination and drop him off.. one thing leads to another and Penny ends up stranded in a car with her dead therapist meanwhile psycho hitchhiker kills people outside and torments Penny.
Good: uh... its part of the After Dark Horrorfest... does that count?
Bad: Penny! She's freakin' annoying! She seems scared of everything, and her solution? Pop those pills! (btw, the pills seem to last only moments, as she takes an entire bottle of them and is only knocked out minutes at a time.) Things don't really get good until the last few minutes of the movie where Penny finally escapes the car and runs from psycho hitchhiker. Then it ends.. poop.
Too Disturbing for Theateres: As far as I can tell nothing. There was nothing in this movie that I hadn't seen in a thousand other movies. My guess is that it was Penny's annoyance and having to spend the majority of the movie locked in a car with her dead Psychiatrist. Of course it isn't anything you haven't seen in Weekend at Bernies...
What The!?: I wanna know why every character has a Penny sense. It seems everyone in the film is somehow drawn to Penny's car deep in the middle of nowhere just so they can get killed.
All in all, thus far Penny Dreadful is the lamest of the After Dark Horrorfest. The story was dumb, the gore was pretty lame, and the best thing about the whole thing was a music video on the DVD.
2 out of 5
Wicked Little Things
Seemingly the strangest concept of the films, (Ghost Zombie Cannibal Kids!) It actually turned out half decent.
Story: Way back in the days of mining fun, a bunch of little kids were used to crawl into the small spaces to recover things etc. Well one day, the mine collapses, the adults all run out and the kids are left inside where they die. Flash forward to present day, A family inhierits a house and moves to a small town. A town which has a curse. Go figure, it happens to be the town built over the mine, and the kids are pissed. (Whee!)
Good: Interesting little story. A bit corny, but pretty entertaining. Its always fun to see kids eating people etc. Pretty creepy looking kids, and the EAT PEOPLE!! WOO HOO! Nice Gore too!
Bad: Cheesy, and it ends a bit wierd. Kinda predictable.
What The?!: Why would the spirits of kids manifest themselves into bloodthirsty zombie like creatures? I mean yes, they were wronged, and yeah, they died pretty badly, but still aren't children innocent? Even if they were angry, why take it out on everyone in town vs taking it out on the one person they were obviously after? Oddness.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Can you say Zombie kids dismembering and eating people, then getting blasted with shotguns? Yeah, not your typical everyday movie.
It was a fun and creepy little movie! One of the better ones of the After Dark Horrorfest bunch.
4 out of 5.
Reincarnation
Yes the movie that I was watching during most of the writing of this review! I did actually manage to see the majority of it, however since it was entriely in japanese and I was shifting between writing this and trying to read subtitles, Im sure I missed something along the way. Anyhow on with the review!
Story: A while back in a hotel, A man killed everyone within, including his entire family and himself. Now, they are making a movie about it, and low and behold all the people are reincarnations of the victims, the problem, Who is the killer? And furthermore, how does the main girl escape the wrath of the angry spirits.
Good: CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY!! Its J-horror at its finest. Imagine the Shining meets the Ju-On, and you have a fairly accurate description. Haunting imagery! And as usual the japanese actors did an excellent job.
Bad: Some cheesy CGI.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Maybe Too creepy? Most likely it was due to the fact it was entirely in Japanese and not many of those movies (Ju-on, the Ring, Pulse, etc.) make it to the theatre in the first place. (unless of course it is an american remake, which I woudn't be surprised to see at some point in the future.)
Reincarnation from what I saw of it was pretty damn good. I did however expect it to be quite more scary, but even so it did have its moments, which is more than I can say for most films.
4 out of 5.
The Gravedancers
Story: When a close friend dies, three friends get together to mourn the loss, however after a few too many drinks, and the finding of a card in a black evelope, the trio ends up envoking a month long curse upon themselves (and in one case their loved ones.) The curse? They will be haunted by the spirit whose grave they danced upon in their drunken stupor. It just so happens that they danced around in the section of the Cemetary dedicated to psychos (no, real cemetaries don't have such sections.) and each day the spirts get more powerful, and long to take the lives of the people who wronged them.
The Good: Some cool looking spirits. A good story, and a pretty neat idea. Enough to keep you out of the cemetary.
The Bad: Again, victim to some pretty lame CGI, it sometimes looks af it its a movie from the 80's. But for a low budget film, it does a good job.
What The?!: Why do all the spirits look like Evil Ernie's derranged cousin?
Again, another solid movie from the After Dark People. 4 out of 5.
Dark Ride
The last of the Horrorfest movies (at least until the Abandoned is released, and the inevitable Horrorfest 2) of the bunch. This is the film that I've seen the preview for about 1000 times at the beginning of every other Horrorfest flick, and interestingly enough, the one that I was the least enthusiastic about.
Story: Some kids get together to go on a road trip. On the way they stop at a seemingly abandoned amusement park, where unbeknownst to them, a derranged mental patient awaits them inside the spookhouse calle the Dark Ride.
Good: GOOOORE!! Everything I feared about the cheap looking budget was resolved by the gore this movie provided. Even though there wasn't a ton of it, the bit we do get is quite well done. The story was quite well done as well, being that it almost completely followed the typical modern slasher flick plotline, it was still quite well executed. The twist at the end was pretty nice as well. Some pretty nifty visuals.
Bad: It almost seems too short. The twist can be predicted if you pay enough attention, however it is still neat. Not enough kills.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Maybe the gore? Maybe the ending.. although to be entirely honest, Dark Ride doesn't do much that most good horror flicks haven't already done.. so Im really not sure why this one is too disturbing for theatres...
What The!? Who thinks its a good idea to go to an abandoned theme park in the first place? Especially one with a dark history..(I know.. lame What The?!)
Another 4 out of 5. Dark Ride was entertaining and fun! A new Slasher is born, one that could compete with the likes of Micheal Myers or Leatherface, maybe even Freddy or Jason. Yay! This could easily see sequels if given a higher budget and some more backstory.
So, all in all the After Dark Horrorfest were mostly above average. Most of them exceeded my expectations, and made me proud to be a horror fan. I reccomend you watch them in the following order (or reverse this list for my favorite to least favorite.) As for the mascots of After Dark, I was thinking they came from one of the films, but apparentally not. I'd like to know the meaning behind them (the Eddie like corpse, and the tattooed woman.) however I doubt I'll get an explanation. Ah well.
Penny Dreadful (2)
The Hamiltons (3)
Wicked Little Things (4)
The Gravedancers (4)
Reincarnation (4)
Dark Ride (4)
Unrest (4)
Black X-mas:
Yeah, I know it wasn't an After Dark flick, but I watched it in the middle of all of them, so I feel a review is in order...
Story: Many years ago, a feuding couple had a baby who was cursed with a rare skin condition making him yellow, The Mother began to hate the father, and one day kills him, since the yellow boy resembles him so, the mother hates him as well and locks him in the attic for his life. Thus he goes nuts and decides being a crazy eyeball gobbling murderer is the way to go, oh yeah, and he likes doing this every christmas! Flash to Christmas time today, some Frat girls are having a get together at the old house that was occupied by none other than crazy yellow boy. Oh, but what happens when he escapes the mental institute and wants to come home?
Good: Entertaining. Fairly decent horror flick. Some nice christmasy carnage! Nice kills. I laughed on more than one occasion at the untimely and oddly humorous demise of some of the (often bitchy) characters.
Bad: Funktastic casting and incesteriffic moments. Flip floppy and a bit confusing story line. Follows the traditonal slasher flick formula, except its CHRISTMAS THEMED!!
Too Disturbing (for anyone): Mommy is bored with her drunk husband, Solution: Get it on with crazy yellow Jr, who you locked up in the attic, and furthermore, have his (UUUUUUUGLY) child, then tell the husband (the same guy who helped you kill your former husband) that it's his! Way to go psycho mom, you are parent of the year!!
What The:?! Who's the crazy sister! Which (of the bazillion all female cast) one is it!? Why, if you guessed the obvious guy in drag, YOU WIN!!!
All in all Black X-mas was an odd little mediocre horror film. It could have been a lot worse Im sure, It had a decent budget, but I think the writers smoked something and whoever cast this film obviously did. 3 outta 5.
300
Well, I know this movie doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the reviews here, but I've decided to just put all my reviews in here so here goes. I had been wanting to see this for a while, but had never got to due to me wanting to see other stuff etc. But finally I got the chance and got to go see it about a month or so after it was released.
Story: Based on a Graphic Novel by Frank Millar, which in turn was based on an actual battle, 300 Spartans must battle against the entire massive Persian army to try and protect sparta from being overrun by the Persian army.
Good: Just about everything. The acting is good, the effects are nice and it is very stylized. Of course some good action! Intriguing story, it reminded me a lot of God of War.
Bad: Not a lot. Some instances of too much stylization, suffers from Matrixitis at times, but still neat.
What The?!: Scary drunk child molesting incest freaks determine what Sparta does. Oddness.
I'd reccomend 300 to anyone who liked Sin City, and anyone who likes good action movies.
5 out of 5.
You don't believe me? HOW DARE YOU! Here goes Super Review fest!!!
Andy's Crazy Review Smile Joe Mighty Million Dolla Review Fest.
So It's been a long time since I tapped into the review part of me, and as I write this Im watching the 5th in a series of 8 Horror films. The After Dark Horrorfest to be exact. Right now Im attempting to watch Reincarnation, which is the only J-horror flick of the bunch, thus making it nice and challenging to try and read subtitles and write simueltaneously.
Reguardless of what Im doing at the moment, let us get on with the reviews....
The After Dark Horrorfest:
So if you're like me, you only heard about this after it was through, but apparentally, Lion's Gate (the company that brought us great horror films like Saw, and...uh..Saw 2. and some others.) Got together with another company (maybe even co-founded this company) called After Dark Productions, and on Halloween they had this horror movie festival. Apparentally 8 movies were shown, and one of them, (I take it there was some sort of contest to decide this.) went on to get licensed and get major backing by Lions Gate (that movie was the Abandoned, and it like its 7 Bretheren never came anywhere near me.) Anyway what's the big deal you say? Well aside from one hell of a marketing gimmick, all of these films were supposedly so disturbing in some shape or fashion that they couldn't be released normally. So upon hearing this I took it upon myself to try and figure out what it is about each film that keeps it from being shown to the general public....
It's kinda hard to seperate all of these films from one another even though they are all different, the reason for that is that they are all advertised together, and apparentally, somewhere far from where I am, they were all shown together in a theater. So, sadly they weren't released as a box set when they finally showed up on DVD a few weeks ago, so I've had to track each one down and watch them. So here are the reviews for each in the order that I saw them in...
The Hamiltons:
Story: A family of siblings left alone after the death of their parents, constantly have to move and are trying to fit even though they have some pretty unusual problems to deal with, mainly because they are all a little bit crazy and oh yeah, they kill people. Of course it's not all as simple as that, each family memeber has thier own way of doing things, The eldest brother keeps them together, the 2nd youngest has a knack for documenting everything with his video camera and naturally doesn't understand why he is where he is and why his family is the way they are, and the twins (A brother and a sister) are just insane.
Good: Intriguing story, you never know what the crazy family's secret is until the end, and as stupid as it is, it actually helps evertything make sense.
Bad: The acting in this was pretty bad. It wasn't Mr. Jingles bad or Gormet Zombie Chef awful, but It was pretty obvious that everyone in this film wasn't a major actor.
What was too Disturbing for Theateres: Almost definately this was all about the incest between the Twins. The gore wasn't too bad, and the story wasn't really anything new. The oddball relations with the Twins and one of thier victims almost has to be the thing that kept this from being a regular horror film (that and the acting was awful)
What The!?: The secret at the end, and Lenny. I wont say more. (oh and the incest.. eew.)
Over all the Hamiltons wasn't a bad film. It was the first I saw, and I was intrigued enough by it to want to see at least one more of the Horrorfest films which is more than I can say for the Masters of Horror series. 3 out of 5. On to the next!
Unrest
Story: The movie opens with a crazy woman staring at you then slicing up her face... The whole movie you kinda wonder about that, and eventually it is explained thanks to a group of medschool students who unknowingly get that same woman's posessed corpse as their Gross Anatomy cadaver. Much gory fun ensues as they solve the mystery of the crazy woman. Zoinks Scoob!
Good: Niiiiiice gore! By far the best gore of any of the films in the series (although I've still yet to see Grave Dancers, Dark Ride and the Abandoned.) The story was a bit hokey, but this movie was pretty neat in that it defied a lot of the traditional horror genre rules. The main characters have sex and dont die.
Bad: A bit of a hokey story.. otherwise good!
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Has to be the gore. Supposedly they used real cadavers in this as well, which of course is an immediate ban from most theatres.
What The!?: How does a man live after being hacked to bits by a spirit (as well as seeing may others get the same fate) much less keep his teaching job at the same place where it all happened?
So far, Unrest was the best movie in the series. Most likely it will be the one I buy first. So, if you're wanting to see just one of these movies, this would be my reccomendation. 4 out of 5
Penny Dreadful
What do you get when you take someone who is deathly afraid of cars, and stick them in one for an hour and a half.. Why you get this movie! Seriously...
Story: Penny is terrified of cars due to the fact that when she was a kid she was in an accident and saw her mother die horribly. Now later in life she wants to confront that fear and takes a long car ride with her therapist to fix it. So on the way to wherever they're going, they accidentally clip a hitchhiker, feeling bad the therapist offers to give him a ride.. It is then that they both find out how wonderfully creepy he is. They take him to his destination and drop him off.. one thing leads to another and Penny ends up stranded in a car with her dead therapist meanwhile psycho hitchhiker kills people outside and torments Penny.
Good: uh... its part of the After Dark Horrorfest... does that count?
Bad: Penny! She's freakin' annoying! She seems scared of everything, and her solution? Pop those pills! (btw, the pills seem to last only moments, as she takes an entire bottle of them and is only knocked out minutes at a time.) Things don't really get good until the last few minutes of the movie where Penny finally escapes the car and runs from psycho hitchhiker. Then it ends.. poop.
Too Disturbing for Theateres: As far as I can tell nothing. There was nothing in this movie that I hadn't seen in a thousand other movies. My guess is that it was Penny's annoyance and having to spend the majority of the movie locked in a car with her dead Psychiatrist. Of course it isn't anything you haven't seen in Weekend at Bernies...
What The!?: I wanna know why every character has a Penny sense. It seems everyone in the film is somehow drawn to Penny's car deep in the middle of nowhere just so they can get killed.
All in all, thus far Penny Dreadful is the lamest of the After Dark Horrorfest. The story was dumb, the gore was pretty lame, and the best thing about the whole thing was a music video on the DVD.
2 out of 5
Wicked Little Things
Seemingly the strangest concept of the films, (Ghost Zombie Cannibal Kids!) It actually turned out half decent.
Story: Way back in the days of mining fun, a bunch of little kids were used to crawl into the small spaces to recover things etc. Well one day, the mine collapses, the adults all run out and the kids are left inside where they die. Flash forward to present day, A family inhierits a house and moves to a small town. A town which has a curse. Go figure, it happens to be the town built over the mine, and the kids are pissed. (Whee!)
Good: Interesting little story. A bit corny, but pretty entertaining. Its always fun to see kids eating people etc. Pretty creepy looking kids, and the EAT PEOPLE!! WOO HOO! Nice Gore too!
Bad: Cheesy, and it ends a bit wierd. Kinda predictable.
What The?!: Why would the spirits of kids manifest themselves into bloodthirsty zombie like creatures? I mean yes, they were wronged, and yeah, they died pretty badly, but still aren't children innocent? Even if they were angry, why take it out on everyone in town vs taking it out on the one person they were obviously after? Oddness.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Can you say Zombie kids dismembering and eating people, then getting blasted with shotguns? Yeah, not your typical everyday movie.
It was a fun and creepy little movie! One of the better ones of the After Dark Horrorfest bunch.
4 out of 5.
Reincarnation
Yes the movie that I was watching during most of the writing of this review! I did actually manage to see the majority of it, however since it was entriely in japanese and I was shifting between writing this and trying to read subtitles, Im sure I missed something along the way. Anyhow on with the review!
Story: A while back in a hotel, A man killed everyone within, including his entire family and himself. Now, they are making a movie about it, and low and behold all the people are reincarnations of the victims, the problem, Who is the killer? And furthermore, how does the main girl escape the wrath of the angry spirits.
Good: CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY!! Its J-horror at its finest. Imagine the Shining meets the Ju-On, and you have a fairly accurate description. Haunting imagery! And as usual the japanese actors did an excellent job.
Bad: Some cheesy CGI.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Maybe Too creepy? Most likely it was due to the fact it was entirely in Japanese and not many of those movies (Ju-on, the Ring, Pulse, etc.) make it to the theatre in the first place. (unless of course it is an american remake, which I woudn't be surprised to see at some point in the future.)
Reincarnation from what I saw of it was pretty damn good. I did however expect it to be quite more scary, but even so it did have its moments, which is more than I can say for most films.
4 out of 5.
The Gravedancers
Story: When a close friend dies, three friends get together to mourn the loss, however after a few too many drinks, and the finding of a card in a black evelope, the trio ends up envoking a month long curse upon themselves (and in one case their loved ones.) The curse? They will be haunted by the spirit whose grave they danced upon in their drunken stupor. It just so happens that they danced around in the section of the Cemetary dedicated to psychos (no, real cemetaries don't have such sections.) and each day the spirts get more powerful, and long to take the lives of the people who wronged them.
The Good: Some cool looking spirits. A good story, and a pretty neat idea. Enough to keep you out of the cemetary.
The Bad: Again, victim to some pretty lame CGI, it sometimes looks af it its a movie from the 80's. But for a low budget film, it does a good job.
What The?!: Why do all the spirits look like Evil Ernie's derranged cousin?
Again, another solid movie from the After Dark People. 4 out of 5.
Dark Ride
The last of the Horrorfest movies (at least until the Abandoned is released, and the inevitable Horrorfest 2) of the bunch. This is the film that I've seen the preview for about 1000 times at the beginning of every other Horrorfest flick, and interestingly enough, the one that I was the least enthusiastic about.
Story: Some kids get together to go on a road trip. On the way they stop at a seemingly abandoned amusement park, where unbeknownst to them, a derranged mental patient awaits them inside the spookhouse calle the Dark Ride.
Good: GOOOORE!! Everything I feared about the cheap looking budget was resolved by the gore this movie provided. Even though there wasn't a ton of it, the bit we do get is quite well done. The story was quite well done as well, being that it almost completely followed the typical modern slasher flick plotline, it was still quite well executed. The twist at the end was pretty nice as well. Some pretty nifty visuals.
Bad: It almost seems too short. The twist can be predicted if you pay enough attention, however it is still neat. Not enough kills.
Too Disturbing for Theatres: Maybe the gore? Maybe the ending.. although to be entirely honest, Dark Ride doesn't do much that most good horror flicks haven't already done.. so Im really not sure why this one is too disturbing for theatres...
What The!? Who thinks its a good idea to go to an abandoned theme park in the first place? Especially one with a dark history..(I know.. lame What The?!)
Another 4 out of 5. Dark Ride was entertaining and fun! A new Slasher is born, one that could compete with the likes of Micheal Myers or Leatherface, maybe even Freddy or Jason. Yay! This could easily see sequels if given a higher budget and some more backstory.
So, all in all the After Dark Horrorfest were mostly above average. Most of them exceeded my expectations, and made me proud to be a horror fan. I reccomend you watch them in the following order (or reverse this list for my favorite to least favorite.) As for the mascots of After Dark, I was thinking they came from one of the films, but apparentally not. I'd like to know the meaning behind them (the Eddie like corpse, and the tattooed woman.) however I doubt I'll get an explanation. Ah well.
Penny Dreadful (2)
The Hamiltons (3)
Wicked Little Things (4)
The Gravedancers (4)
Reincarnation (4)
Dark Ride (4)
Unrest (4)
Black X-mas:
Yeah, I know it wasn't an After Dark flick, but I watched it in the middle of all of them, so I feel a review is in order...
Story: Many years ago, a feuding couple had a baby who was cursed with a rare skin condition making him yellow, The Mother began to hate the father, and one day kills him, since the yellow boy resembles him so, the mother hates him as well and locks him in the attic for his life. Thus he goes nuts and decides being a crazy eyeball gobbling murderer is the way to go, oh yeah, and he likes doing this every christmas! Flash to Christmas time today, some Frat girls are having a get together at the old house that was occupied by none other than crazy yellow boy. Oh, but what happens when he escapes the mental institute and wants to come home?
Good: Entertaining. Fairly decent horror flick. Some nice christmasy carnage! Nice kills. I laughed on more than one occasion at the untimely and oddly humorous demise of some of the (often bitchy) characters.
Bad: Funktastic casting and incesteriffic moments. Flip floppy and a bit confusing story line. Follows the traditonal slasher flick formula, except its CHRISTMAS THEMED!!
Too Disturbing (for anyone): Mommy is bored with her drunk husband, Solution: Get it on with crazy yellow Jr, who you locked up in the attic, and furthermore, have his (UUUUUUUGLY) child, then tell the husband (the same guy who helped you kill your former husband) that it's his! Way to go psycho mom, you are parent of the year!!
What The:?! Who's the crazy sister! Which (of the bazillion all female cast) one is it!? Why, if you guessed the obvious guy in drag, YOU WIN!!!
All in all Black X-mas was an odd little mediocre horror film. It could have been a lot worse Im sure, It had a decent budget, but I think the writers smoked something and whoever cast this film obviously did. 3 outta 5.
300
Well, I know this movie doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the reviews here, but I've decided to just put all my reviews in here so here goes. I had been wanting to see this for a while, but had never got to due to me wanting to see other stuff etc. But finally I got the chance and got to go see it about a month or so after it was released.
Story: Based on a Graphic Novel by Frank Millar, which in turn was based on an actual battle, 300 Spartans must battle against the entire massive Persian army to try and protect sparta from being overrun by the Persian army.
Good: Just about everything. The acting is good, the effects are nice and it is very stylized. Of course some good action! Intriguing story, it reminded me a lot of God of War.
Bad: Not a lot. Some instances of too much stylization, suffers from Matrixitis at times, but still neat.
What The?!: Scary drunk child molesting incest freaks determine what Sparta does. Oddness.
I'd reccomend 300 to anyone who liked Sin City, and anyone who likes good action movies.
5 out of 5.